Last week I wrote about my last trip to India. I wrote that the main reason I loved to go to India was because of my grandmas.
Well the next day Thursday, November 14, 2013, that all changed. I was questioning if I ever even wanted to go to India again.
When my family does travel there, we stay at my dad's house. We visit my mom's house a few times out of the trip, but we keep all our stuff and mainly sleep at my dad's house.
On November 14, 2013, I found out that my dad's mother had passed. It's still news to me because it's so hard to accept that it's real. If I ever returned to India, that house that I stayed at all these years would be empty. My ammachi would not be sitting on the porch, waiting for our arrival from the airport.
Everything happened really quickly. On Tuesday night, we found out she had a stroke and was admitted to the hospital. Wednesday, she was put on a ventilator. And Thursday, of course, was the day everything changed.
Exactly a week before, my dad had undergone a serious 3 hour back surgery. He was put on bed rest but the actual healing time was up to one year. On Wednesday, after my grandma was placed on a ventilator, all of my dads siblings booked tickets to India for the same night. They didn't tell my dad she was on a ventilator, because otherwise he would try to jump on the first plane out to see her, and he couldn't because of his back condition. There was no way he could possible sit on a plane for 18 hours straight. He didn't know how serious my grandma's condition was until the next morning. So before his brothers and sisters left for the airport, they came to visit my dad at my house. My dad told his siblings to tell ammachi that he's feeling fine and not to worry about him, because when she heard he was having surgery she started crying and freaking out. It was so hard to hear him say that, because he didn't even know she wasn't responding at that point. I prayed and prayed and prayed that she would just open her eyes and get back to her normal healthy self. Thursday afternoon was when I got a call from my mom crying and saying " our ammachi is gone."
An hour or so later, I began getting texts from my friends. They were all along the lines of "sorry for your loss", "may her soul rest in peace" or "she's in a better place now". When I was reading these it didn't even feel real. What do you mean may her soul rest in peace? She's fine. She's not really going to leave us. Or I know she's in a better place, but I wish she was here with me. None of the comforting words that I've once said to friends were helping me at all. I really actually pinched myself a few times because it didn't feel like real life. I thought I was dreaming or something.
I know I sound a little selfish because my mom's mom is still there. I really miss her too. I would really love to see her as soon as I could but it's just devastating knowing how different things will be the next time I go.
My ammachi has been a widow for almost 15 years. She was the strongest believer of God I have ever seen in my life. I was looking through my phone and I found a video of her singing Christian songs while on a 3 hour car ride, that's what she did when she had free time to pass. There were nights were I would sleep on her bed with her, and I would wake up at 5 am to her singing her hymns. She would really try to whisper and sing them so I wouldn't wake up, but her passion was so strong that she would get louder and louder through each verse. Her voice is one that I will never forget, it was so unique and different, especially when she was singing. She's also my Godmother and I don't think there would have been any other person better fit for this position She's taught me so much about Christian life by the way she led hers and I can only hope to be half the person she was. My grandma had 7 children and 7 children in law. But she never looked at them that way. She treated all 14 of them like they were all her own children. She passed with 15 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, and 2 more on the way. She was always smiling and so optimistic about everything. If you needed to feel better about something, she would be the one anybody went to. She always told people to just pray and everything would be alright. She loved everyone and once you met her, she would talk to you like she knew you her whole life.
I'm lucky enough to say that I saw and spent time with her last summer. Knowing that this year is coming to an end is really starting to scare me. Why? Because I won't be able to say that "I saw her last summer." Soon, it's going to be 2,3,4 summers ago and so on. The time that is distancing me from the last time I was with her is seriously terrifying me. I guess I'm kind of scared that I'll lose the memories, or I won't remember them as well and clearly as I do now.
Now I'm just praying that I get the strength to accept and understand this. I'm also praying that she is at peace and happily reunited with my appachen (grandpa). I just know that she is up there smiling and watching over my family, just like she always has.
January 9, 1931 - November 14, 2013
Sherin's introduction is wonderful. She reflects on her past blog entry, then after the reader understands where her blog is focused, she appeals to emotions and adds the personal fact that her grandmother passes away. She describes how she loves visiting India, then contrasts that with the passing of her grandmother, and questioning whether or not she even wants to visit anymore. Sherin is a very good writer; she gives amazing detail and pays close attention to describing scenes and setting flawlessly.
ReplyDeleteSherin, I remember you texting me and telling me what happened with your grandmother. I really enjoyed this post. Just your description of everything made it so much more interesting. You proposed this piece in a way in which it wasn't too overwhelming for the reader to understand what happened but just perfect enough to get the point of what happened across. Overall, throughout the class I enjoyed all of your blog post because India is actually a country that I want to visit in 2015. It was good to get the chance to actually understand what your country is like. I enjoyed this post and I'm sorry again for the lost of your ammachi.
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