Ammachi

Ammachi-n- Malayalam word for grandmother (language of Kerala, India)

Last week I wrote about my last trip to India. I wrote that the main reason I loved to go to India was because of my grandmas.

Well the next day Thursday, November 14, 2013, that all changed. I was questioning if I ever even wanted to go to India again.

When my family does travel there, we stay at my dad's house. We visit my mom's house a few times out of the trip, but we keep all our stuff and mainly sleep at my dad's house.

On November 14, 2013, I found out that my dad's mother had passed. It's still news to me because it's so hard to accept that it's real. If I ever returned to India, that house that I stayed at all these years would be empty. My ammachi would not be sitting on the porch, waiting for our arrival from the airport.

Everything happened really quickly. On Tuesday night, we found out she had a stroke and was admitted to the hospital. Wednesday, she was put on a ventilator. And Thursday, of course, was the day everything changed.

Exactly a week before, my dad had undergone a serious 3 hour back surgery. He was put on bed rest but the actual healing time was up to one year. On Wednesday, after my grandma was placed on a ventilator, all of my dads siblings booked tickets to India for the same night. They didn't tell my dad she was on a ventilator, because otherwise he would try to jump on the first plane out to see her, and he couldn't because of his back condition. There was no way he could possible sit on a plane for 18 hours straight. He didn't know how serious my grandma's condition was until the next morning. So before his brothers and sisters left for the airport, they came to visit my dad at my house. My dad told his siblings to tell ammachi that he's feeling fine and not to worry about him, because when she heard he was having surgery she started crying and freaking out. It was so hard to hear him say that, because he didn't even know she wasn't responding at that point. I prayed and prayed and prayed that she would just open her eyes and get back to her normal healthy self. Thursday afternoon was when I got a call from my mom crying and saying " our ammachi is gone."

An hour or so later, I began getting texts from my friends. They were all along the lines of "sorry for your loss", "may her soul rest in peace" or "she's in a better place now". When I was reading these it didn't even feel real. What do you mean may her soul rest in peace? She's fine. She's not really going to leave us. Or I know she's in a better place, but I wish she was here with me. None of the comforting words that I've once said to friends were helping me at all. I really actually pinched myself a few times because it didn't feel like real life. I thought I was dreaming or something.

I know I sound a little selfish because my mom's mom is still there. I really miss her too. I would really love to see her as soon as I could but it's just devastating knowing how different things will be the next time I go.

My ammachi has been a widow for almost 15 years. She was the strongest believer of God I have ever seen in my life. I was looking through my phone and I found a video of her singing Christian songs while on a 3 hour car ride, that's what she did when she had free time to pass. There were nights were I would sleep on her bed with her, and I would wake up at 5 am to her singing her hymns. She would really try to whisper and sing them so I wouldn't wake up, but her passion was so strong that she would get louder and louder through each verse. Her voice is one that I will never forget, it was so unique and different, especially when she was singing. She's also my Godmother and I don't think there would have been any other person  better fit for this position She's taught me so much about Christian life by the way she led hers and I can only hope to be half the person she was. My grandma had 7 children and 7 children in law. But she never looked at them that way. She treated all 14 of them like they were all her own children. She passed with 15 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, and 2 more on the way. She was always smiling and so optimistic about everything. If you needed to feel better about something, she would be the one anybody went to. She always told people to just pray and everything would be alright. She loved everyone and once you met her, she would talk to you like she knew you her whole life.

I'm lucky enough to say that I saw and spent time with her last summer. Knowing that this year is coming to an end is really starting to scare me. Why? Because I won't be able to say that "I saw her last summer." Soon, it's going to be 2,3,4 summers ago and so on. The time that is distancing me from the last time I was with her is seriously terrifying me. I guess I'm kind of scared that I'll lose the memories, or I won't remember them as well and clearly as I do now.

Now I'm just praying that I get the strength to accept and understand this. I'm also praying that she is at peace and happily reunited with my appachen (grandpa). I just know that she is up there smiling and watching over my family, just like she always has.

                                                                          Ammachi
                                         January 9, 1931 - November 14, 2013

My Last Trip to India

I would've wrote about my first trip to India, but that was when I was four years old and I don't remember much of it. So I figured I would write about my last trip there, which was the summer of 2012.

I was super excited to go because it had been four years since the last time I went. I like going to India because I love seeing my grandmas. It's also so different there, I like to get away from New Jersey once in awhile. And of course shopping, everything is much cheaper in India. My parents try to get shopping out of the way within the first two days.

Every time we go to India, I beg my parents if we can go to a different part, or maybe some tourist attractions. My mom agrees but my dad is really adamant on spending as much time as he can with his mom and friends, which I understand. They left this country that they spent more than two decades in to have a better life. I think if I was in the same position I would feel the same way.

The first day of our India vacation always consists of seeing BOTH my grandma's, who live an hour and a half away from each other. The airport itself is about 4 hours from my dad's house in India. A lot of the places are really spread apart so there is a lot of time spent just travelling from one place to another. But I even like that part. I like to just look out the window of the car and observe everything that's around me.

While we are in India, there's probably one or two days where we actually stay home and do nothing. Otherwise we are always out, because there's so many things to do and people to see. We go fishing, shopping, eating, visiting family and friends, taking rides on a houseboat. A houseboat is this boat that takes you around the backwaters of Kerala. They make a few stops, catch some shrimp or fish, and prepare it for you right there.

                                                                   This is a houseboat

                                                    This is one little part of the boat tour

                                            
                                      



When my parents first booked the tickets, I was ecstatic and my sister was really against going. Her birthday would have to be spent in India, and that was one of the main reasons she didn't want to go. She was going to be turning 13. Why wouldn't you want to celebrate your birthday in a different country? Not many people could say that they have. She would tell me to let my parents go to India without us and we could stay back. She said this would "save us some money". The girl even started crying when we left for the airport because she was so dreading going. And I was sitting next to her with a huge smile on my face because I couldn't wait! The funny part is on our last day of our India trip, while we were getting ready to go to the airport, she told my mom she didn't want to leave. She actually had fun, for someone who was really negative about it from the beginning.

My favorite thing about going to India is seeing my family. My whole family from my dad's side lives in America. We are all really close and I see them often. But my mom's side all live in India. So I only get to see them every few years. Even though we do Skype once in awhile, I love seeing them in person. It's always a fun time with them, we have fishing competitions, they teach me some Hindi and they try to imitate  my "American" accent.

If I could go to India whenever I wanted, I would go so often. I really miss my family there!

The Republic of India

I figured I should give a little background on The Republic of India, which is the official name of the country

For those of you who didn't know where it was, India is located in the southern part of Asia. It a subcontinent because it is considered geographically independent.

Although it is 1/3 the size of America, India is the second most populated country making it the largest democracy in the world. It's capital is New Delhi and the official language is Hindi. But, it's the largest English speaking country.

Numbers and chess were invented in India. (Why? I would've been well-off without math in my life!)

India was under British Rule for almost 90 years. Mahatma Gandhi, lead the country to independence with non-violent disobedience. We celebrate India's independence day every year on August 15th. This is also the day India and Pakistan split into two different countries because of religious problems.

The flag consists of orange, white and green with a blue spinning wheel in the middle.

• Saffron - a symbol of courage
• White - peace and honesty
• Blue - vigilance, truth and loyalty, perseverance & justice
• Green - hope, joy , fertility and love and in many cultures have a sacred significance

The national animal is a tiger, the flower is a lotus, the fruit is a mango and the bird is a peacock.

All of the major religions of the world are represented throughout India.

India has the largest movie industry (Bollywood) in the world!

All of India is under the same time zone.





http://www.vexillologymatters.org/indian-flag.htm
http://facts.randomhistory.com/2009/07/21_india.html

Arranged Marriage

My parents weren't arranged for their marriage.

When people find out I'm Indian, or I ask them what I could blog about, they ask about arranged marriages. They ask me if my parents had one and if I'm going to have one.

Honestly, my parents probably think they could arrange a marriage for me, but I'm not even slightly interested. Especially since they didn't have one. My dad met my mom through his brother who was good friends with my mom's sister. Sounds kind of confusing, I know. But when the time came when their parents asked them if they were ready for marriage, they both said they had someone in mind. So my parent's parents didn't arrange the marriage, and they did know each other before the wedding.

It is true that sometimes in India, the bride and groom don't meet until a week before the wedding. Sometimes they don't even meet until the wedding. This case was true with my cousin. She didn't care that she hadn't met the man she was going to be spending the rest of her life with because her family met him and approved. I was really surprised. I guess she's a little more traditional and didn't mind. I would not have been okay with that. She met him at their engagement party that was a week before their wedding. She posted pictures the day after and seemed pretty content with her future husband.

I don't think I would ever be able to do something like that. Maybe because I was raised in America where arranged marriages are not normal. I don't know, but I would like to have some sort of background on the person I'm supposed to marry.

In some parts of India when a marriage is arranged, they brides family offers a "dowry" to the grooms family. This is kind of a gift that is given before the wedding. It's not as popular as it used to be, but some people still follow this tradition.

Even though arranged marriages sound really absurd, they last longer than the "love" marriages of America.

One major difference is that in an arranged marriage is that you continue to learn about your spouse throughout the years. In a regular marriage, you usually get to know them really well for at least a few months before you decide the person is right for you.

The divorce rate in America is about 50%.There's not even a number for this statistic in India. But that's also because divorce is really looked down upon there. It is starting to increase but not nearly as much as America, now that times are really changing.

Since my parents didn't have an arranged marriage, I hope they don't expect me to have one, too!